Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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