i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
