he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
What a dumb baby whore.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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