Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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