Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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