He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
