At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
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Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
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I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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