direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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