I just pynch a tree in the face
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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