call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
