My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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