Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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