i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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