I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
