is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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