she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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