she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
operation have a gay friend backfired
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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