So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
