Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize