I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
wow bdsm is so cute
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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