All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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