dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
