The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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