Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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