I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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