great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
