You're my little dorito
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
