my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
