remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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