She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
