she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
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