she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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