Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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