sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
40s are totally the cure
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
