I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
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Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
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Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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