just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My vagina is officially offended.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
