Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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