so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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