you guys were way drunker than both of me
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
