So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
