??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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