I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
