Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
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He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
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As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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