Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
