So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
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Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
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So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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