ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
