Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
