omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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