You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Randomize
