Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
COCAINE IS GR8
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
