Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
