I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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