You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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