proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Did I show you my penis last night?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
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