put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
