I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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