Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
