He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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