dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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