They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
