in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Randomize
