her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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