gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
