actually, I'm a sock model
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
