I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
