Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
